My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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