Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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