I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
