What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
