end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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