I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
