I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
