we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize