It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
