cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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