I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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