this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
