The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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