Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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