That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
