I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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