And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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