and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
