I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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