I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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