bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize