wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
