maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
