his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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