Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
