1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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