she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
