Do you still have your period?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
