Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
