How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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