Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
