Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
