grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
