Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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