Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
