this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
