Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
4 words: hood of his car
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
