laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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