im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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