I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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