This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
