Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
