Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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