You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
