my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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