Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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