I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
