all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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