Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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