Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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