She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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