Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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