There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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