i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
