So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
