I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
