I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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