whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
