I think my vagina is haunted
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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