Your tits are I can't wait for
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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