Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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