she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
