party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
