I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
