either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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