so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
