I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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