Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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