Just fell off a train. Bad.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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