I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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