Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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