In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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